The Cheap Milk

Wherein I propose a solution to Australia's problem with racism*

In May this year, comedian and presenter Waleed Aly proposed and initiated a nation-wide boycott of cheap milk sold under home brand labels in Australia's dominating supermarket chains. Since the proposal, the market share of dollar-a-litre milk has declined by a fairly impressive 15%. In theory, the higher margin sales will result in more money in the back pockets of Australia's struggling dairy farmers.

I propose a counter boycott.

I don't like it

As a self-proclaimed humanist and a proponent of equal rights regardless of race or religious affiliation, I was shocked and appalled by the results of the 2016 federal election. Namely, someone actually voted for Pauline Hanson's One Nation Party. Beyond that, multiple someones voted for Pauline Hanson's One Nation Party. This is the same bunch of mouldy chicken schnitzels that have an entire webpage dedicated to their policies for dealing with Islam. To save you from the unfathomable rabbit hole of doom that is ONP's policies, allow me to summarise their stance on Islam for you:

Basically no.

So here's my moral dilemma. I'm not a fan of monopolisation. I like supporting the little guys; the underdogs, wherever I can. Farmers, I want to help you! Honestly, I feel a little bit disgusting every time I put money into Woolworths' stretched and gaping cash hole.

But then rural and agricultural divisions like Wright and Hinkler put significant quantities of their precious voting power into Ms Pantsdown's bigoted claws. Funnily enough, the five most One Nation voting divisions in the 2016 federal election were all farming areas.

So, on behalf of the rest of Australia, and and for the people most impacted by farmers voting with their anuses, I'd like to take this opportunity to ask you, farmers, to please stop doing stupid shit like that. Until you can get this one thing right, I'll continue to boycott your fancy milk.

*using ample sarcasm